


Just When I Thought I Had You Two Figured Out

by StellarLibraryLady



Series: Star Trek Winter Holidays Series [32]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Bickering, Christmas, Crew as Family, Feels, Friendship, Humor, Humor and Feels, Love/Hate, M/M, POV James T. Kirk, POV Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Wounded Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:28:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27806818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellarLibraryLady/pseuds/StellarLibraryLady
Summary: Jim Kirk knew he would never completely understand the bickering between his two best friends, but he tolerated it because it seemed to give them a way to express their mutual regard that often seemed too fragile for any closer examination.  Then there were other times, times like today, when they seemed to hold little sympathy for each other.But Kirk might be wrong about that, too.
Relationships: Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Spock
Series: Star Trek Winter Holidays Series [32]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/670427
Comments: 12
Kudos: 31





	Just When I Thought I Had You Two Figured Out

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Morgan_Primus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morgan_Primus/gifts).



Jim Kirk knew he would never completely understand his two best friends who were also his top officers on the Enterprise, and that was okay. That was the way it should be. No one could, or even should, understand someone else completely. Everyone should have some secrets that he never shares, some mystery life that is never recognized, or even imagined, by those closest to him. Everyone should stay an enigma. Otherwise, they would be boring and predictable. And boring and predictable were two things that Kirk could not tolerate. He needed variety and puzzles in his life. And, boy, did he get those with Spock and McCoy!

Sometimes, though, it was a little too much to handle. But Kirk stuck it out with them, because he knew that they considered him to be their best friend, too, and therefore tolerated his quirks. What exactly the relationship was between them, though, Kirk could not fathom. On the one hand, he had witnessed instance after instance when each had been responsible for the other one still being alive. He knew that they would gladly die for each other. That much Kirk realized and understood.

Yet there were other times that they acted as if they would kill the other guy just as gladly, too.

But sometimes their bickering would get on even Jim Kirk's nerves. McCoy was like a little yappy dog snipping at Spock's ankles: Easily shoved aside, but a constant threat. Spock was more subtle and generally did not stoop to McCoy's level of open intimidation. But occasionally he did, and then he and McCoy sounded like a couple of squabbling cats that hated each other.

Even that kind of behavior, though, Jim Kirk could understand. What he couldn't understand was how they could suddenly shift tactics in the middle of a very heated debate and nestle into each other like they were stealing catnaps together. THAT was what puzzled Kirk!

Today was no different with their usual sideshow. The only difference was that Kirk couldn't get away from them as the three of them had been thrown together on a shuttle ride that was taking them to the surface of a new planet. The other two would be alright when they got there. Professional mode would kick in and they would perform like the topnotch officers and scientists they were. Until then, they were passing the time and not getting bored by keeping each other entertained with some nasty verbal jabs to the ego.

Normally, something like that didn't bother Kirk, and he used their squabbling as a deterrent to his own boredom. But today Jim Kirk just looked pissed off at their shenanigans, and Leonard McCoy couldn't say that he blamed him. McCoy and Spock had been snarling at each other ever since they'd gotten into the shuttle. McCoy's excuse was a late night; he had no idea what was chewing at Spock. Maybe it was the fact that McCoy had managed to show up at all. Amazingly, McCoy could understand that. Because sometimes just the fact that Spock was in the same room with him had the same effect on McCoy. And somehow just knowing that his mere presence was needling Spock made McCoy snip at Spock all the more. It was as if their relationship had a healing scab on it, but McCoy couldn't resist the temptation of picking at it with catty remarks.

Kirk had shared the same late night with McCoy. Perhaps that was why the bickering of his friends had struck a wrong chord with him the following morning and had caused him to snarl an order for a little less chatter. "Wanna give it a break for a little while, guys?" he had barked, proving that he could do his share of snarling, too.

Kirk's still hung over, McCoy thought. Late night drinking bouts took a lot out of a guy and left him shaky the next day. That accounted for Kirk's behavior and even McCoy's, but not Spock's. He hadn't even been with them. He wouldn't have been drinking intoxicants even if he had. He didn't have a reason to act like he had a burr under his saddle today. But he did.

What was strange, though, now that McCoy thought about it, was the fact that Spock had been arguing back at him with a lack of subtly, contesting issue after issue in a very heated and pointed manner. Generally, Spock let McCoy sputter along with his ranting, as if Spock really wasn't listening to him. It was as if Spock figured that he was above all of that sort of pettiness. Spock's attitude toward McCoy's behavior was like that of the parents of a two-year-old child. They had stopped listening to their offspring's chattering away a long time ago. It had simply become white noise to them a long time ago. Besides, it was easier to tolerate a certain amount of childish background static than having the child shrieking in spoiled anger as it acted out its frustrations. Thus, the parents and child passed through happily life unaware that they were aggravating the hell out of other people in their immediate world.

But this, this was different! Spock was snarling back. Spock didn't snarl. It was too much beneath him. But he was snarling today. McCoy was somehow reaching him on a molecular level with some prod that was aggravating the hell out of him.

McCoy recognized it for what it was. A golden opportunity!

McCoy couldn't let this opportunity pass him by. He was bored and still a little hungover and realized now that he should have had a stronger shot of caffeine at breakfast to get him through this away mission. Then he could have faced the day-- and Spock (especially Spock)-- much better prepared.

Whatever the reason, he decided to needle Spock further while still seeming to obey Kirk's orders. He was curious to see if he could bring Spock out of his doldrums by stirring him far enough to make him optimistic again. He knew that sounded contradictory, but Spock seemed to thrive when he could debate McCoy. And if that was what it took to get Spock up and running again, so be it! McCoy was just the guy to perform that little task! Besides, having an excuse to plague the hell outa the Vulcan would be fun! 

"Well how are you really this bright, sunshiny morning?" McCoy wanted to know as he slid into the seat behind Spock and leaned toward him. "What words of cheer do you have to gladden the hearts of men everywhere? What's the latest in glad tidings and great joy?"

Spock sighed as he nearly turned away from the voice hissing in his ear.

McCoy leaned closer and lowered his voice. "What's wrong, Vulcan? Got an infected toenail that's bothering you? Is that the problem? Or did you trip over your own bare feet this morning and hurt one of your little piggies? Perhaps it was the one that got upset and whee, wheed all the way home." McCoy grinned with his own cleverness.

Spock rolled his eyes, but didn't reply.

McCoy didn't let up any. "Are your nasty, old boots bothering the hell out of that throbbing toe?"

"I do not know what the condition of my toenails has to do with anything that would concern you," Spock snarled back.

"You know you wouldn't win any awards or accolades for your charm right now, don't you?"

Spock frowned at the slur. "Is there a contest being conducted that judges that sort of thing? If so, I was unaware of it. Nor, may I add, would I be interested in competing in the event," he replied in the most condescending voice he could muster, a voice that was dripping in innuendo and mocking jest.

"If there would be such a contest, you wouldn't be allowed to enter it. Because you'd generally win. Because, you know," he offered in a lower, confiding voice, "you already would be so far ahead of the other competitors before the competition started that it wouldn't be fair to the others."

"I am gratified that you realize that, Doctor. After all, one of us needs to be amiable and complacent, if for no other reason than contrast. It has to be so refreshing for others, especially for Captain Kirk in particular, that at least I am always professional and agreeable." He turned aside and muttered, "As I was last night when I was delegated to remain to my quarters. Alone."

McCoy frowned. "Is that what's wrong? You weren't invited to the party at Jim's?"

"I could hear it." Was that almost a whine pf self-pity in his voice. He crossed his arms over his chest. "The walls are not that thick between my quarters and those of the captain's. You were having all sorts of fun." The "without me" was unspoken, but echoed around all corners of the shuttle.

"But, Spock. We thought that you wouldn't want to watch Scotty and Jim and me on yet another drunken brawl. Why would you even have wanted to be there? All we did was to get shitfaced drunk."

Spock studied the passing stars through the shuttle window, but did not see them. "I could have taken care of you. Made certain that none of you got injured."

"We were in Jim's quarters. We couldn't get in much trouble in there." He grinned wryly. "Unless one of us got a foot caught in the can and tried to flush it away. Or drown ourselves in the sonic shower."

Spock could visualize the humorous situations and relented just a little. "Neither scenario seems probable."

"Of course not. But believe me, if there'd been a problem, we would've been knocking on your door damn fast."

Spock's head shot around and he looked hopeful. "You would have?"

"Damned straight! Don't you know that we can't get along without you?"

"Well--"

"We just thought that you needed a night off. Everyone needs a rest, even you. But you see who's back with Jim and me today, don't you?"

"Well... yes."

McCoy grinned. "So you're coming back from whatever dark place you were in? Because this crew can't have two old curmudgeons on it, and that's already my job."

"I do believe I am, Doctor. Already the sun for this planet seems brighter as we approach it. And if not that, at least I can accept that it will be today, tomorrow, and for some time to come. While you, being the pessimist that you are, are not ready to discount its fickle nature and might well believe that it will broil us in our boots the moment we step from this shuttle. But I am more inclined to believe in its sunny promise of renewed life."

McCoy slapped Spock's arm. "There you are! Back again!"

Spock looked puzzled. "I have been somewhere?"

"Oh, yeah! You're back! Jim!" McCoy said, turning to Kirk. "Your charming and gracious First Officer will be here at any moment now. He just was somewhere on a temporary absence."

Kirk grinned. "That's good to know."

"Why do I always have to charming and gracious?" Spock protested.

McCoy gave him a wily grin. "Because nobody will believe it if you aren't. Me, I'm the one who is supposed to be cantankerous."

"A role which you fill quite well, Doctor."

"You didn't have to be so ready to agree with everything I said," McCoy snarled as he began to have second thoughts about his project to cheer up Spock.

Spock gave him a wily smile. "Oh, but I do, if you are proving my point."

"Jim!"

Jim Kirk sighed. Why did he even try?

"Fellahs. Supposing we get out of the shuttle and see what this planet has to offer?"

"Hopefully, it will be somewhere between a heaven on Earth or being broiled in our boots," McCoy grumbled as he stood up. "Like most planets." He glanced at Spock. "Or situations." He fell into step behind Spock and headed for the door. "And do watch what you're doing while we're down here, won't you? Don't be coming up with some strange malady that you've caught while we're here. And do try not to get yourself all banged up by falling over a cliff while you're gazing in awe at some wonderous tree you've spotted. I want to be able to get a good night's sleep instead of having to keep a death's watch on you in Sickbay overnight."

"I assure you that any of your staff would be fully qualified to attend any 'death watch' over me that you would deem necessary, Doctor. It would simply be a matter of delegating authority judiciously."

"As if I'd saddle any of my capable staff with that chore! No, Commander, rest assured that the last face you would see if you were indeed on a 'death watch' would be mine. And that's a promise."

"Somehow I find it difficult to accept the comfort that you believe that you are extending," Spock said with a haughty sniff.

"Take it any way you wish," McCoy growled. "That's the way matters stand." 

"How reassuring." Spock acted like he was unimpressed, then he noticed something that set off his own system of alarm bells. "Please do be careful of where you step, Doctor," he cautioned as McCoy left the shuttle. "That leaf you are about to tread upon moved nearly an inch out of your way just now and no wind is blowing. Therefore, I believe that leaf is not something cast off from a nearby tree, but is in fact some sort of animal life capable of moving on its own volition and may possibly possess the ability to harm you."

"Are you sure you aren't more concerned about my damaging some hideous fauna of this world that you want to examine in its natural entirety and not squashed by my foot?"

"That well may be a factor. The native fauna of this area is not aware of the danger that your clomping boots might cause them, while I will endeavor to save their species in the interest of science from your carelessly activities."

"Well, it's certainly reassuring that you're watching out for something. Just don't get so fascinated by what you're seeing that you'll try to handle something carelessly."

"I will leave that for you to do," Spock said with satisfaction, because McCoy was not known for his caution.

"Is that so?!" McCoy retaliated. "Well, let me tell you--" He continued his rant while the two of them walked along, Spock unconsciously holding back obstacles in this path so McCoy could proceed safely and McCoy being mindful of dangers to Spock.

"Look, Spock! Look at that golden dust on that tree branch!" McCoy yelled as he pointed upward. "Maybe it's their method of reproduction!"

Spock slapped his hand away.

"Why did you do that?!" McCoy protested.

Spock frowned at him. "You were going to touch that substance! And just after I had specifically said for you not to do something like that!"

"I was pointing! If I was going to touch it, I would've done this!"

McCoy shoved his finger upward, miscalculated the distance, and struck the branch. A golden shower of some sort of pollen drifted down on Spock who gave him a very cross look, a very cross look indeed.

"Oops!" McCoy said sheepishly while giving Spock a shit-eating look.

"Now you have contaminated me," he growled, little amused by McCoy's nervous mirth.

"Don't worry. I'll monitor you," McCoy reassured him as he ran his scanner over him.

"Somehow, Doctor, that does not give me the reassurance you believe it has. It is like leaving the fox in charge of the chicken house."

"Spock! You told a funny! Maybe that's a result of the golden nectar. It's left you with a sense of humor."

"I highly doubt that, Doctor."

"I highly doubt it, too. That's a lot to be asking from one little shower of golden pollen."

Spock heaved a dramatic sigh.

"Keep doing that and you'll be hyperventilating. Then I'll have a real medical emergency on my hands."

"Shall we continue with our explorations before the captain reminds us of our mission?" Spock plunged onward without waiting for an answer.

"Yeah, well, but don't go wandering off without the rest of us. Hard telling what you'd still up on your own."

Kirk walked behind them and and watched as the two automatically protected each other without realizing it.

Sometimes they were an enigma to Kirk. And sometimes their mutual regard put out the brilliance of the sun.

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing of Star Trek, its characters, and/or its storylines.


End file.
